I dream in muted color. I know, that is an odd opening statement, but it is true. As I talk to people, one question always comes up, and that is whether people dream in color or not. I cannot vouch for anyone else, but my dreams look like Ted Turner badly colorized them.
But this is not about the “Mouth of the South”, it’s about my dreams. A man with a wonderful world of color, Walt Disney, once had a Princess sing “A dream is a wish your heart makes”. Well, my heart has been working overtime recently. I do not believe I dream that often, but when I do, my dreams come like super packs from Costco, a lot at a time.
Normally, my dreams involve travel or do not take place in my home area. There are people I know and at times people I do not. They are not usually nightmares, nor are they overwhelmingly happy. I’ve dreamed about a Disney World place I was visiting but the area was dull and not overly appealing, leading me to feel a sense of disappointment in the dream.
Recently, though, my dreams have started to focus in on two very distinct areas. The first may not seem so unusual. I’ve been dreaming about my late father, who I lost last January 2011. They have been one on one dreams, no one else that I remember being there. I don’t remember most of the content, though I do remember that in one, my Dad was driving me up I-95 through Baltimore. We were talking up a storm, but I cannot recall what we were talking about.
I’ve awoken from these dreams in a good mood, not disappointed that he wasn’t really there, but satisfied with the experience of the visit. It was comforting to see him again. It made me forget my problems for a night.
The other dreams were much more unsettling. They were extensions of an increased sadness and frustration over being out of work. Those of you who follow me on Twitter or in the blog know how much I miss the work experience. The last couple of weeks, in my dreams, I was laid off from my old video retailing job three times again. Not unceremoniously, not badly, just laid off. I spent many of the dreams thinking “why”.
Feeling useless and unable to affect the situation like I used to be able to do really was present in these dreams. The good thing about the dreams was that I had the chance to address people, both at my job and other professional contacts throughout the industry, and say “goodbye” to them in surrogate person, to their dream image. It was good to have this closure, this chance to both make sure some people knew how I felt about them and to work these things through.
I also got a chance to argue the frustration of just being let go after so many years with my old boss. I’ve not heard from him since before I was laid off, and in my dreams, I got to have a final conversation. It wasn’t loud and it wasn’t angry. It was pure frustration and confusion.
You may notice that these dreams seem to have more details remembered. I figure that these dreams were not made by my heart, but by my mind. They are not wishes, they are regrets and restarts.
Over the last few weeks, as I’ve started to wonder what comes next with my pulmonary disease, I’ve also tried to get out more. Getting out more meant experiencing more people, but oddly (or maybe not), seeing them working, no matter what the job, really frustrated me even more. It started me missing both my old opportunities to create and innovate in my old job as well as the ability to grow forward in association with a shared workforce, a crew to bounce ideas off of.
I try to find this on Twitter and FB, plus other social media, I try to learn as much as possible about what is coming in the world down the road, so that I might be able to learn what is coming next for me. However, that ability to see others at work just drove it home to me. I am guessing that my dreams right now are trying to help me sort my past out so that I can finally move on with my future.
In a future blog post, I will be looking back at what were the “dream palaces” of the 20th Century, the movie theater. Not the four walled quadraplexes of today, but what they used to be and what they used to mean to the world and to me. I’ll also argue why these “dreams” are better than the conveniences of today.
My dreams are helping me figure out how to be relevant again. Trust me, that is a dream that both my heart and my mind are working overtime to solve for me. And trust me again, my heart and mind are one powerful tandem.